In the past few weeks I’ve been working on a new project I’m kinda excited about - a service that generates customized backend servers. But wait. What about ParentScheduler? I guess I should start from the beginning. Or more accurately the end. The end of ParentScheduler. At least for now.
When I wrote my last post I had a burst of energy. I truly felt like picking myself up and continue on fighting. But the very next day I woke up and it was gone. I was so tired of pushing. So tired of fighting. Tired of trying to get people interested in the app. And I couldn’t bring myself to work on it any longer. But it’s hard to admit defeat. I was stuck in indecision for a bit until I was talking to a friend, telling her about how stuck I was. She was trying to help with ideas about marketing and in my attempt to make her understand I blurted out - yes, I could do this and that but… I just don’t want to work on this any more!
And there it was. As soon as those words left my mouth I realized it was true. I did not want to work on this any more. And though my pride and natural stubbornness egged me to continue, my heart was no longer in it.
I meant what I said. I still believe there is something in that idea. I still think the world deserves, and surely will soon get, better family management tools. But it will most likely not be me who does that. I might still go back to it at some point in the future, if the stars align and I find a good marketing person who wants to tackle this with me, but for now? I need to put it aside.
Then came the natural question - so what’s next? Should I start looking for a job? I didn’t really feel like it, and I decided to close ParentScheduler before I was out of runway. Should I take on some freelance work? Didn’t really feel like that either. Well, if you’ve been following the blog you know what I did. I’ve let myself not know, practicing the tao. There was lockdown, I barely had time for myself, and I figured for now I can just be. I told my partner I’m “taking a vacation” but that felt wrong. A thought that never occurred to me materialized in my mind - work does not define me. I do not live to work. I still am even when I do not work. It is not who I am nor what drives me to get up every morning. Before work, before anything, I just am.
It is not often that we get a chance in life to just be. And I had that chance now. So I grabbed it.
I spent about a week just being. Not trying to figure out what I will do next, not worrying about what will happen next. Not feeling like if I am not doing “anything” then I am failing at something. Not feeling like if I am not working then I have no worth. I think it is a terrible lie society tells us - that we need to be productive to earn the right to be. But I just am. We are.
Then school was about to start and while I really enjoyed the book I was reading I felt the need for some technical challenge. Not to feel worthy or to have it define me. But because I truly wanted something cool to play with. And I thought to myself - in this journey with ParentScheduler I have met quite a few entrepreneurs who want to build a product, who might have front end or mobile skill, but don’t want to have to deal with a backend. The current available solutions are very limiting and vendor locked.
For me, as someone who has built many types of systems and many backends it takes half a day to get up and running with a full model view controller in a hosting service. So why shouldn’t it be as simple for other people?
So I’ve decided to take this on, at first as a technical curiosity. Can I? Can I build a server that builds servers? Can I write code that generates a customized, fully functioning backend? Very quickly the answer I came to was yes. Yes I can not only do it but I am also excited about doing it. I’m working on it with a passion I haven’t felt in a while. But wait, there’s more. It’s not only that I found that I can and want to do it. I also found people are interested in it. That unlike with ParentScheduler where everything felt so hard, this feels easy. People are curious. They want to hear more. They want to tell me what they have, what they need and what they have tried. People get as excited as I am by this idea.
This is a small kindling. I don’t know if it will turn into a bonfire. But I am back to enjoying the road, and isn’t it the most important part?
Wanna check out the new project? I’ve got a beta on http://frever.me